TUBA

Loved everything about TUBA!  It’s quietly tucked away on Guerrero between 22^nd and 23^rd, displaced from the turbulence of the Mission and Valencia corridors. The Turkish décor was charming, inviting and mildly tranquil, just enough for moderate conversation and light banter.  The significant other and I shared a few appetizers and an entrée each. We were already pretty satiated with the appetizers (hummus and haydari) and the servers were perpetually filling our bread basket, which by the way was absolutely delightful, served with some sort of garlic butter that could have been eaten by the gallon-full. By the time the entrées came around (stuffed salmon per the server’s recommendation), I had two bites of mine and called it quits before my intestines could explode.  It’s a moderately priced eatery with appetizers ranging from $6-$9 and entrees averaging at about $17. I was just completely enamored with the ambiance and the servers’ attention to the food being served, answering the multitude of questions we had about Turkish fare. Two thumbs and two toes up. Eat here!

1007 Guerrero St
(between 22nd St & Alvarado St)
San Francisco, CA 94110
Neighborhood: Mission

How to Shuck and Suck

Oyster (n): any of the several edible, marine, bivalve mollusks of the family Ostreidae, having an irregularly shaped shell, occurring on the bottom or adhering to rocks or other objects in the shallow water. Often thought of to have aphrodisiac properties.

Aphrodisiac (n): a food, drug, potion or other agent that arouses sexual desire.

Oyster FARM (n): site of carnal and animalistic endeavors?

Au contraire, mon frère! One would think that an excess of this suggestive shellfish in such epic proportions would lead to mass hysteria of unmaintainable romance and eroticism but Tomales Bay Oyster Co. is merely a breeding ground for amiable convergence and boisterous merriment in conjunction with unrestraint consumption of sustenance and libation. In other words, a massive picnic! While this particular venue falls out of jurisdiction of the San Francisco area, most of my fellow shucking patrons were of the city-goer variety and found themselves in the North Bay searching for an alfresco experience. For the purpose of this blog, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this would actually be the perfect setting for a group date shindig. The picnic area is situated between rolling green hills and a mucky, yet quaint beach, mostly used for farming oysters but has a respectable amount of stable ground for families and couples alike to walk, bask and explore. Aesthetics aside, it’s a busy place on the weekends and grabbing a table during peak hours (11am-3pm) is an arduous task. It took us a good 20 minutes of shameless eye-sexing and eyelash batting at a group from San Jose until they were willing to share a table with us. Once you’ve settled in, stop by the main counter to purchase your oysters by the bag loads and let the shucking begin!

Now, shucking is no easy undertaking. One must wear protection. When ready to shuck, insert tip into appropriate crevice and pry open. If crevice is hard to access and refuses to pry, try entry from another angle and/or another hole to ensure maximum shucking experience. Reposition if necessary. Remember, you can’t just shuck anywhere, especially with little children present. Be discreet about your shucking as others may not have quite the same shucking experience and can feel disparaged. Be patient as shucking requires stamina. Once you’ve encountered the gooey middle, suck away! Too much?

Tomales Bay Oyster Company
15479 Highway One
P.O. Box 847
Marshall, CA 94940

It's like Britney but without the appalling weave.

True to form, I’m back to blogging after an inexcusable hiatus. Call it laziness, call it boredom, call it being sucked into an abyss of mindless netflix enjoyment, call it whatever you’d like (how about an inexplicable desire to drink every bottle of wine in sight?) but allow me to apologize for my absence. Contrary to your unpopular beliefs, looks like you’ll all have to endure me that much longer. 

Q is for Quirky Quips

Remember the days when hand-picked cheerios were our snack of choice and Sesame Street was our educational mantra? Now, fast forward 20-something years and while beer and wine have subtly superceded those beloved child snacks, there’s something to be said about what educates us in life. Sure college was a blast; we found ourselves, we traveled, we made every regrettable mistake in the book etc. But what if there were a Sesame Street for adults? A show to guide us through the misperceptions of life, love and well, porn. Look no further because AVENUE Q is here to save us.

Who knew that puppets, porn and political incorrectness could be combined into one fabulously didactic form of entertainment? Even if you’ve never enjoyed or ventured the thought of seeing a musical, this is one that shouldn’t be disregarded. The sheer talent it takes to not only act but to act, sing, and dance while handling multiple puppets and all the while singing about sex, racism and internet porn is awe-inspiring, and quite frankly kinda sexy. Bring a date or two, whatever floats your musical boat. One word of advice: don’t learn the songs ahead of time. The appeal of the entire show is the element of surprise. You never know what topic is going to slap you upside the head and the shock factor leaves you wanting much more. If only college were like Avenue Q: main topics for today’s lecture include ‘What to do with a B.A. in English’, ‘Everyone’s a little bit racist sometimes’, ‘What’s your purpose in life?’, ‘The Internet is for Porn’ and ‘It’s okay if you’re gay’.

Get your tickets soon because it’s only here for a few more days!

(The kind of musical you’d bring a hot-coworker-you-want-bag kind of date, not a bring-your-partner’s-mother-to-demonstrate-your-theatrical-proficiency type date)


Avenue Q
Orpheum Theater
Feb 15-27, 2011

Farm Girl Fantasy

Hit it: Do you see this bouquet? It bares an uncanny resemblance to its counterparts of which often connote a timeless gesture of romance. However, this particular bouquet carries one underlying message: I want to be on you.

Nowhere on the handwritten, recycled-paper note card was that phrase scribbled but its implications were loud and clear. I recently received these flowers from a special someone and while I typically tend to enjoy self-bought flowers from the lady on the corner of 22^nd and Mission, I found myself rather bewitched by the allure of this bouquet.

For starters, I was greeted by a bike messenger who had just ridden through unyielding and inhospitable SF wind. A BIKE MESSENGER, how unconventional for a flower delivery service. Even better was the fact that she was female (women empowerment flourishes). The Bike Messenger company is appropriately called Cupid and is a local worker-owned collective. Upon receiving this generous display of affection, I thanked the kind maiden who braved the weather and then promptly noticed the emblem on the mini greeting card buried between the stems. It read: FARM GIRL. The earthly texture of the card alone suggested it was made from recycled paper. Upon further research, I was delighted to learn that Farm Girl Flowers is as green and local as it gets. Local Bay Area growers, local assembly, only in-season flowers, pollution-free delivery, and vase recycling. I was rather pleased with my arrangement and felt that the person on the giving end was sure to receive a handsome reward for their efforts.

If ever an occasion arises to purchase flowers for luring intents as opposed to your standard expression of love, try these out because nothing says ‘Let’s get it on’ (thank you, Marvin Gaye) like an environmentally conscious lover.

Thanks, Rachel for the suggestion!

http://farmgirlflowers.com/

Want your bad romance

Regardless of whether you are a spend-an-absurd-amount-of-ducats-buying-gaudy-heart-themed-presents couple or just a low-key-dine-in-bed-and-a-movie kind of couple, I'd like to say on behalf of the greeting card industry, the flower industry, the lingerie industry, the adult industry and the restaurant industry, thank you for raising our revenues 10-fold once a year on one special, invented holiday. Happy Valentine's Day!

Mash-up and mac-on: DNA Lounge Bootie Night

Overall Review: Hit it. Hit it hard. Bootie Night at DNA Lounge is the quintessential get-in-the-sack pack.

You’ve got your usual 20-30 minute wait in line during peak hours (10pm-11pm), perfect for snuggling up in the chilly SF night. You may find yourself deterred by the way the line wraps around the building. Don’t be. It moves rather quickly, make some friends. There’s the $6 before 10pm and $12 thereafter cover charge, a chance to show off some, while not an absurd amount of “dollah dollah bills”. The crowded dance floor offers ample violation of personal space as well as grinding opportunities and, of course, the only way to counteract the annoyance of being thrashed around on a sweaty dance floor: booze. The drinks are moderately priced, strong and headed for hook-up triumph. I had the pleasure of dancing side-by-side a shirtless gay European on one of the smaller side platforms while being groped at the ankle by a large fella on the dance floor. There’s also a smaller upstairs area that looks down onto the dance floor for those suffering from claustrophobia and voyeurism.

The best parts about this place are the music and the people. Bootie is notorious for their eclectic mash-ups and occasional live, drag-queen performances, pleasing all genres of music lovers and nightclub dancers (excluding homophobes). The crowd is a diverse mix of hotties, hipsters, goths, gays, douche bags, B&Ts and expats. So if your date doesn’t work out, all I’m saying is: fish in a barrel. Fish. In. A. Barrel. Bang.

Don’t forget to hit up the late-night crepe truck next to Butter on your way to find the non-existent cabs.

http://www.dnalounge.com/

375 Eleventh St.

San Francisco, CA 94103

I begin with...

Welcome to my blog, a hopefully charismatic and honest take on the city's happenings and mishaps with its relation to helping males, females, shemales and he-women in their quest to find lust. I'll be sampling the latest, the greatest and the classic trends of San Fran, whether it be food or just plain fun and providing my own little twist to a commonplace review: Hit it? or Quit it? More to come...

Besos!